As defined by Merriam Webster
A. Serving as an original or generating source
B. Serving as a basis supporting existence or determining essential structure or function
This core word can be applied to such a vast sea of subjects but, inevitability for me, after you filter it through the multitude of applications, it still has one origin and one origin only…….
6 or so years ago, There I am sitting alone in a rental house that I recently moved in to with my new boyfriend. I’m having an emotional breakdown. Without going into too much detail, I’m 30 years old and absolutely miserable. Unhappy with myself, my choices and everyone around me. I’ve never been a light-hearted person. I feel all emotions with a deep crush, good or bad. I’m looking for REAL meaning and it’s evading me. If this is all life has to offer, I think it sucks. I did something that night I’ve never done before. I painfully prayed to a God that I have never once believed in. It was a desperate and challenging prayer. “Please, if you are there, If you are this Almighty Creator of all things, If you are who you claim to be and can do all you say you have done, then please, help me. Show me you are real, give me faith. I will love you and I will do whatever you want me to. If only I can know you, believe in you”. As soon as the begging and pleading stopped so did my tears. I sat there in silence staring down at a pink leather Precious Moments children’s bible I had received as a gift shortly after my moms passing, when I was 8 years old. I’ve tried to read it a few times but was only confused, bored and more confused. This night would prove to be very pivotal for me. I do believe He heard my prayers, took my challenge and pointed it right back in my direction. I meant what I said and wanted nothing more than to have belief and knowledge of something much greater than I, that gave this life true meaning. I had no idea what the next 5 years would bring and how He was going to give me exactly what I asked for.
For the next year I would sit in my car, every day on my lunch break, reading the bible for about 45 minutes. I would pray for understanding and dig in, in no certain order. Not only did I understand those words but they punched me in the gut, reached in my chest grabbed my heart and squeezed something fierce. In all my years of reading I had never experienced such monumental epiphanies and insight. I quickly saw how it is The Living Word of God. What it was doing to me could not be explained any other way. It completely changed who I was. It did more than inspire, it created new desires and understanding within me. It didn’t just show me a different perspective or enlighten my mindset, it tore me apart from top to bottom and slowly weeded the old me and watered the new me I was becoming. I wasn’t trying to do anything. I wasn’t trying to change, I was just changing. Suddenly my thoughts, reactions, wants and needs were different from what they had ever been, without me putting any conscious effort in to it whatsoever. It was frightening and exhilarating. It was just about unbelievable. Here I was believing, without a shadow of a doubt, that this book was the inspired Word of the Almighty Creator. He gave me the Faith I begged for. He showed me who He is and He isn’t anything like I thought He would be. The more I read the more I saw why I had never believed in religion before……. and I was thankful for that skepticism. Reading this book with no preconceived notions of what it says allowed me to fully grasp it. From beginning to end, it is amazing. He does not contradict, He does not change and He is very clear on what He loves and what He hates and what He expects from His children. Who knew He is so logical when so many religions teach otherwise?
See part 1 of this post here: http://wp.me/p3u0OY-2x